My response to being called the “butthole wife”

Fair warning, this post is a little bit of a rant. If that doesn’t bother you, please continue.

I recently came across a blog that was shared several times over the span of a few days on my Facebook news feed. I can’t remember the exact name of the blog or who wrote it, but I do remember what was said. Before I get started, I want to emphasize that I am in no way trying to belittle this woman’s opinions, feelings, or life tragedies, but I have to voice my intense disagreement.

This lady tells women to stop being  the “butthole wife” in the sense that women shouldn’t be complaining about having to clean up after their hard working husbands. That’s the basic gist you get from the story. Her husband passes away and she comes to realize that she would be happy to clean up his dirty clothes now that he’s passed on. She wishes she wouldn’t have complained so much and been more appreciative. It’s a very long blog post and there’s much more to it, but you get the idea. My sympathies go out to this poor woman, but I couldn’t disagree with her more.

Even after three and a half years of marriage, in my home we have trouble deciding who does what chores and how often. We have these issues mainly because of our hectic work schedules. My husband does work more hours than I do, he makes more money, he works a 3rd shift job, and he helps around the house in the ways he can. I work part time and spend  the most time taking care of our daughter.  Being a mom came very easily to me, but being a homemaker-not so much. If i want to cook or clean I have to really, really work at it and force myself. This “butthole wife” post focuses on laundry so that is what I will try to keep my focus on.

If I leave dirty laundry on the floor, that is totally my bad. I admit that. When my husband leaves his dirty laundry on the floor, I am typically the one picking it up. Most of the time, I don’t even complain about it. There are times when I do have something to say about it. I ask him to pick his dirty clothes up and put them in the washer or the hamper and if I’m annoyed by it, that is COMPLETELY justified. I’m the one washing them and putting them away. Both partners in any marriage need to work at it. If it is one sided, someone is going to end up doing all the work and that’s when things begin to crumble.

I actually spoke to my husband about this after reading her blog post. I asked him how he felt about me telling him to clean up after himself sometimes. He felt it was a perfectly reasonable request. I told him if I saw his dirty clothes on the floor after (God forbid) he passes away before we could grow old together, I would still disagree with this woman. I’d look at those dirty clothes and cry like her, however, unlike her, I wouldn’t have wished I’d have silently worshiped the ground he walked on and felt blessed to wash his dirty socks. I would laugh to myself about how the man I loved couldn’t just pick up his dirty clothes…

What really agitated me is the way I am reminded of my stance on feminism. These days, if you consider yourself a feminist you get lumped in with the extreme feminist women who hate men and are just so disgusting to me. That being said, I am something of a feminist. I see women get walked all over, treated like objects, brushed aside, etc. I don’t think women are superior to men. I believe each gender has their own strengths. Women are strong, beautiful creatures of God and deserve respect. This woman’s blog made me feel like I am being painted as a nagging bitch of a wife aka the “butthole wife” for wanting a clean home and in the process of a clean home, asking for a little bit of team effort along the way.

I will never try to say I’m better than any other mother or wife. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. She has hers, but this is my blog, and I disagree. I’m even proud to be the “butthole wife.” Although, I would not refer to myself that way. I’m proud to be a wife to a hard working man who respects my feelings and opinions and knows that I in return, respect his.

beachsmiling

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