You’re a mom now, so you can’t do that…

Nurturing, loving, patient, these are all words that can be used to describe mothers. These words are all good descriptions. If you were to say unique, different, edgy, or descriptive words such as these, you would never automatically assume I was referring to a mother.

After having a disagreement with my husband the other night, I began to really think about the way society sees mothers. I have had my hair dyed pink for the past 6 months and as of a few days ago it is now purple. My husband thinks this is not “motherly” hair. At first I was angry with him for saying this, like it means I’m not a good mom for having something different.

The more I began to think about it, I couldn’t really blame him. Society has defined mothers as giving their entire lives to be a mom-nothing more. In a way, I have done that. I would die for my daughter. I make sure she is fed, bathed, clothed (even though she would rather run around nakey sometimes). I change diapers and get poop on my hands and clothes. I wake up in the middle of the night for my  screaming, teething baby and rock her until she is calm before going back to bed, just to turn around and wake up at 6am and get her breakfast. I buy her clothes when she needs them instead of buying clothes for myself. I often have to skip out on plans with friends because I don’t have anyone to watch her or simply because I’m just exhausted. Some moms are able to do all this with ease and still look amazing while doing it. I’m happy if I can get out of my sweat pants and put on make up.

When I dyed my hair pink I thought, “FINALLY, I am going to do something for myself that isn’t just a ‘mom’ thing.” People stared and asked me why I did it and I told them, I have no reason other than it’s what I wanted to do. I don’t get to just do what I want on a whim anymore because I’m a mom. Now it is bright purple and I still get the same response from people. “Why did you do that?” or a lot of times I get “I LOVE that, I wish I could do it but I’m not brave enough.” It’s not bravery that makes me do this, it’s just me wanting to have a glimmer of something different that makes me feel like myself in my mundane life. I used to always want my hair in crazy colors but most places won’t allow it in the work place. My current job does allow it, so I have taken the plunge into wild hair.

There are plenty of other women who have these same issues. Not necessarily with hair, but plenty of other things. Be it hair, piercings, tattoos, going out on the weekends, working a full time job, or not going to work, being in a rock band, dancing, being an athlete, being sexy, … The list goes on a and on and on and on… No mom is ever going to appease every single person’s ideals on how they should behave as a mother. To me, this is just a sad truth.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade a thing as far as motherhood goes. Being a mom is the greatest joy I’ve ever known. I even enjoy the plain, boring parts that come with it. It’s that family life that I always wanted. I am so blessed to have this in my life. I just want to be able to have something that isn’t all about being a mom. A mother is one word used to describe me, so is friend, wife, and rebel.

 

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